THE WAY OF THE CAMP

Yo yo yo, my name is Paul, I bust a furious rap,
They hit my mind, I spit the line, they hit your ears slap slap.
Conventionally when I started this I was mellow,
So doped up on liquor my eye whites were yellow.
Jaundice beyond it, they said I look dead,
So I put down the bottle and I took up rap instead.
It's hard work as a farmer down in Alberta,
It's a rough cold province that nobody's heard of.
Province run rich on oil and gas,
They give us the peanuts for slaving our ass.
Bundled like matchsticks we sleep in a camp,
Oh man, no ladies — well maybe just one.
It's cold, dark, dirty, the room has a lamp,
We work in these places that they call a camp.
Camp my land, to process your gas,
Forget that mess, I quit, got out of that fast.
Started my farm as I heard an alarm,
Why stay at this camp? Just go build a barn.
Dusty old pigs and cows for a picnic,
Better than a camp with one girl for the picking.
Feet up and weathered all loose from the day,
I'd rather meet Pamela and sleep in the hay,
While chickens pick up my toes and the only light is day.
I might go to stall and get down to business,
Then have family over — it's got their head and say what is this?
I say ain't it warm? It's my farm, my business,
I could do what I want, no camp shifts, no whistles,
No permit to pee and pay to get paid,
No heading down to camp where only one girl gets laid.
Where y'all think it's awesome, well I call it a shade,
Freaking paid, I don't want my lunch made,
Where every dude is chasing on the exact same lady — that's gross.
I've been sickened where only one girl and nine guys lined up chasing her.
I'd rather be broke with my hands in my pockets everyday,
Then live by the model — pay to get paid,
With one lonely stranger but we're all getting played,
That's nasty, no wonder, nobody's getting rich.
I'd rather take a tarp and sleep in the ditch,
Than sleep with a stranger and develop an itch.
So y'all wake and wonder if she'll be there by morning,
I'll sleep in my hay and stop the sickness from forming.
Out on my land, I pull my hat down freely,
Walk on my land, no boss with demand.
So now you all know where I stand today,
When you sleep you fester and pray,
Where I sleep I smile all cozy in hay.
Wake up when I want and welcome the day,
For this is the life that I chose and I'll stay.
Well at least for the moment, I hope and I pray,
Until my knees are shot and all my hair's gray,
I work for myself and I'm still proud to this day.
All pros and no cons when living this way.